My little buddy

Friday, January 19, 2007

Grey's Therapy

I found "Six Days" so therapeutic. I've cried more in the last 24 hours over this and my dad than when he died. I have to say that I am so glad I watched this show ALONE. I cried my heart out the whole way, sobbing when Mr. O'Malley died and when Cristina welcomed George to the Dead Dads Club.

If I had Mum with me, I wouldn't have felt as free to cry. Expression of my feelings regarding my father's death are not welcomed. She avoids or ignores it. If you think I am joking, think again.

This afternoon, as I finished telling her about George saying about living in a world without his dad (all the while crying because I can't talk about the episode without crying), she says to me, "Did you just hear what he just said? He had to apologize to that aweful man and that aweful man made him repeat a bunch of lies before he would accept his apology". That was in regards to 'Sue Thomas FBI' that she watched while I was talking to her. Thanks Mom! I said - that's wrong, isn't it? and walked away.

When we were getting supper ready, and I mentioned the episode again, she says "I suppose you associate that with your father, don't you?" Astute, isn't she? I replied that yes I do. That was the end of the conversation. It was clear she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

When my dad died, it wasn't my mother who was there for us, it was my aunts, my dad's sisters. But they could only stay for a while, before having to return to NH. I can clearly remember sitting on my sister's bed and my Aunt Carm came in, sat down beside me, and hugged me and talked to me. Don't ask me what she said. I can't remember that part. But you wanna know something? My aunts and my dad's two cousins who came up were the only ones who hugged and comforted me the whole time.

This may seem bitter, but my mother has never been supportive when it comes to dealing with my father's death. At least not with me. She was there more for my sister, probably because she was younger. But when I look back, it makes me mad. I was only 14 when I was dealing with this, and not very well, I may add. I spent a lot time sick that year, to the point that I was hospitalized. They never could discover a "cause". In high school, there were days I could barely drag myself out of bed. Other days, I wouldn't get out of bed. I remember my mother threatening me to get out of bed, get dressed, and go to school because I'd missed too many days for no reason at all. Now, looking back, I am appalled at my mother and my doctor - two people in the medical field who couldn't see classic signs of clinical depression.

I spent a lot of years being extremely angry with my father, and not just for dying. It's only been in the last seven or so that I accepted my father for the type of father, husband and person he was. In the past two years, I have come closer to getting through the stages of grief. Almost 18 years, and I am starting to make peace.

From Wiki on stages of grief:

Kübler-Ross stages are:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Kübler-Ross originally applied this to any form of catastrophic personal loss, such as the death of a loved one. She also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

Many threapists include guilt in that model. Guilt that you survive. Guilt over the anger you feel. I can honestly say that I never experienced the denial or the bargaining. But I went through the anger for almost 15 years. I couldn't let it go, and as a result I would feel guilty. It was a horrible, vicious circle. I still deal with the depression, but it's definitly due to more than my father's death now. I've finally started to work towards acceptance. It feels good to write that.

Gawd! I hope that doesn't take another 15 years!

P.S. I am sitting here proof reading the post, listening to "Life in Disguise" and crying and smiling all the same time. Is that strange or what?


HUGE Pet Peeve

Ok, one of my BIGGEST pet peeves about the winter is snowblowing.

It's not the -30 degree weather, it's not the snowfall, and it's not even that I don't have a snowblower and I have to shovel my drive way.

It's the men on this street and their snowblowers.

Of all the men out there snowblowing their driveways and other peoples driveways, not ONE offered to snowblow ours, or even part of it.

Seymour Sr and Jr both out doing their driveways- no offer. The boys next door - no offer. The new neighbour DIRECTLY across the street - no offer. Amos doing his driveway and the others around him - no offer. Oh, he'll do it for us. But we have to pay him $12 every time he snowblows, not per storm.

The offer would have been good enough. I would have really appreciated that. Doing even part of the trough from the plow would have been awesome.

But nope, not my neighbours.

Gawd, I've gotta get a snowblower. Or I'm going to have my heart attack sooner rather than later.

Road Conditions

I just got back from the hospital - had to drive my mother to work as she has become a winter driving wimp. The snow, which was not light, like that mental midget Peter Coade said it would be, had turned to ice pellets up there by 7:15. Don't what it's like now.

Regent Street was like a snow covered banana peel. All ice under that nice fluffy snow. We slipped quite a few times going up. When I came back down, I made sure 4-wheel drive was on and I don't think I broke 30 klicks. Never slipped once. Although I did pass a little sports type car that had slid into the snow bank.

By the time I got across the bridge, the snow had turned to ice pellets over here. Now it's fluctuating between fine snow and pellets. Not going to be surprised at all if this all turns to rain.





Some random thoughts:I don't think I have driven so slow in a long time - 50 all the way from the bottom of Regent. They must be ploughing because Seymour Jr up the street was gone to work before 7AM. I have the drive way shoveled out already. I have no Doodle today ... Jenn took the day off in preparation for the storm, so what to do with myself? Awww...doesn't Lukey look cute - damn he's doing to make my floor wet.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

The Dead Dads Club

I was all set to post about Ugly Betty and Greys Anatomy highlights. But I couldn't . Not after George's dad died and Christina talking to George about the Dead Dads Club.

Even though the show is fiction, it's so true. It's a sucky, sucky club to belong to. It does leave a huge hole in you that never goes away. It's always there. And even though your friends do try to understand, they can't. Not until they are officially part of the club.

You won't truly understand until you live with the reality that your father is never going to talk to you again, never going to hug you again, never going to fight with you again and never, ever going to tell you that he loves you again.

For those of you who aren't part of the club, I envy you. Now you should go call your father. You should give him a big hug and kiss the next time you see him. You should tell him you love him. And be thankful.

Just noticed...


... that the Lexmark ink cartridge sitting beside me says MADE IN THE PHILIPPINES.



I know it's not earth shattering, but I thought it was funny.
I never noticed it until today.

My Fave Hot Dog Recipe


Frank and Potato Bake

1/4 cup finely chopped onion
1 tbsp margarine
1 tbsp flour
1/2 tsp salt
2/3 cup milk
3/4 cup grated cheddar cheese
1 tsp dried parsley
2 tsp prepared mustard
4-5 hot dogs, sliced
4 med. potatoes, peeled, sliced, cooked, and drained
(I keep potatoes in pot after draining so they stay warm)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a 1 quart casserole dish.

In a small saucepan, cook onion in margarine till tender. Blend in flour and salt. Add milk and cook and stir over medium heat until bubbly and thickened. Add cheese, stirring to melt. Add parsley and mustard.

Fold hot dogs, potatoes, and sauce together in potato pot. Turn into casserole dish. Cover and bake for 35 minutes or until bubbly.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Little Mosque On The Prarie

I've seen the ads. But I didn't think it would be hilarious. And it so is!

I laughed so hard at some of the lines I almost peed my pants. Can you imagine a Canadian show on CBC being a half decent sitcom? Never would have thought it, but it's true!

http://www.cbc.ca/littlemosque/

I think my favourite quote so far is from the town's preacher: "Christianity didn't survive 2000 years by being charitable."

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Questionnaire

How Tall Are You Barefoot - 5'8"
Have you ever tried Heroin - nope
Do You Get Nervous Meeting the Parents - Never had to! Sad,huh?
What do you think of Hotdogs - Love'em! so many things to do with them. BBQ, on a bun with fried onions, in a cheesy potato casserole - I'll have to post that recipe sometime.
Do You Drink Coffee - God no! But I do drink diet Pepsi for the caffeine.
Is Your Bathroom Clean - Yes. It may be the only room in the house that is clean, but it IS clean.
What is Your Fave Peice of Jewellery - I don't wear it, but a pink cameo necklace my father bought me when I was like 9 or 10 in Dover.
Do You Hate Any of Your Exes? Not going there.
Middle Name - Sharon
Name 3 Thoughts Right Now - I NEED to go to bed. God, I have to lose weight. Is there any chocolate in the house?
Name 3 Drinks You Normally Drink - Diet Pepsi, water, Diet Sprite
What time did you get up today - 6:45AM cuz I had to shovel out the drive way.
Current Worry - that I will never lose weight. See a trend here?
Current Hate - GAPbuster - they're giving me the runaround over payments they owe me.
Fave Place to Be - Dunno. I don't have one place that always makes me happy.
Least Fave Place to Be - Have to use Nick's: Outside in -30 degree temps.
Do you own slippers? - No, I hate wearing anything on my feet, even socks. Hmmm, my hick genes are showing.
Worst Injury You Ever Had - Maybe the time I drove a pair of scissors into my palm. Does it have to be an injury? If not, then kidney stooooones. God Almighty they HURT!
Does Someone Hate You? - Oh I think so! (And I'm not being conceited.)
What is Your Fave Book? - I can't answer that. I don't have ONE favourite book. I have favourite authors that change with my mood. Right now it's Julia Quinn.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Ideas?


I just finished this page and I don't know .... I almost feel like it's missing something. I do have a coaster with a friendship quote, but it has rounded edges and a non-script font. I don't know if it's right for this LO. Any ideas?
Please ignore the pic ... not one of my finest ones. But then I think all pics of me are bad.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Aquacise

Well, what to say. Hmmmm...maybe - ouch! My arms are starting to feel the hurt now! Oye! Lauren's going to have to carry herself around tomorrow!

Seriously, it was fun. Believe it or not. If you don't, just join us next Sunday to find out for yourself. And there's absolutely no need to be self-concious about how you look in a bathing suit because everybody there is in the same predicament.

So some highlights for me Let's see. Ah yes.

  • The two wusses I was with thought the water was cold when we got in. I thought it was fine after being outside in the -15 degree cold.
  • Being a wuss myself when the ladies got wet and the water suddenly felt a little nipply.
  • Realizing that the water was churning pretty damn good around me what with my lady lumps flapping against the water.
  • Oh the lovely sound of said lumps hitting the water reminded me of being at the lake. At least the water slapping against a dock at the lake.

Anyway, I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wanted an ice cream after that but I held out! The number of o's should be a good indicator of how baaaaadly I wanted that ice cream.

But I perservered, I stayed strong!

Now I sit here and my stomach is grumbling.

World Traveler

The world traveler. That would be my aunt's husband, Gary. He's an engineer and contracts out his services to energy plants around the world. I have no idea exactly what he does, but he makes beaucoup bucks doing it.


In the '80's and early '90's, Mary and Gary lived in Saudi. He worked at a de-salination plant at that time, I believe. Before that, he worked in Fort McMurray. In the '90's, they built a home here in Freddy, but Gary continues to work abroad. He's lived in some great places, and some horrible holes. Some of those places include Pakistan, the Philippines, the US, and currently, Kazakhstan.
He says the camp is way out in the middle of nowhere. The closest village is 2 hours away, then the closest city is another 2-3 hours from there. Sounds like fun. Anyway, he had to work over Christmas, and the translators he works with gave him a couple of gifts for the holidays. Hence, the nesting doll(authentic Russian, I might add), and the camel. They told him they gave him the camel because it reminded them of him ... all droopy eyed.
The reason I mention this, is Susan. Gary lived in the Philippines for something like 6 months and Mary stayed there with for a while. So they were kind enough to tell me a bit about it for Susan.
First of all, stay away from the southern islands. It's mainly Muslim and from what I gather, they're not so friendly. Secondly, if you can make a trip to Cebu (if it's safe), they said it was quite touristy. Third, there is a city in the northern part of Luzon island(I will have to double check that) that is half underground due to an earthquake years ago. They said it was quite something. The roads stayed where they were, but all the buildings sank about 12 feet. So when you look into the building from the road, you are looking at the second story. As a result, the city built stairs that leads down to the store fronts. When you are walking on the sidewalk, you have to look up to see the street. Weird, huh? Fourth, food. Mary gave me names of two restaurants that were really great. The first is 'Seafood Market', where you go and pick out the fish/seafood you want to eat, live mind you, then they prepare it. The second place was Shaky's Pizza. She highly recommends this place - good food. Also, she said that she drank/ate all the dairy products there. I say that so you can get away from the Coffeemate. The coffeemate worries me.
Hope this helps some!