My little buddy

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Me and My Sister


My sister and I have always has a rocky relationship. There were times when we were thick as theives and others when we could literally take a swing at each other - and did. But for the past five or six years, things have been different. I don't know if she realizes it, but for me, our relationship changed dramatically one summer night.

I can't remember the date, but I can remember the details of that night clearly. See, my sister's best friend is a guy, Dave. His family owns a local drug store. I worked at that drug store for quite a few years. Too many, in fact. So, not only did I work with Dave, Iworked with his brother Brian and Brian's fiancee, Nicole. Now, since Nicole was from Newfoundland, they had the wedding over there and had a party here in town for all their family and friends who didn't travel to the wedding. The previous year had been hard on the relationship between my sister and Dave. It was quite strained and she didn't know why. Turns out Dave was dealing with problems of his own and wasn't talking to Amanda about it.

You ask, why all this detail? Well, I am getting to that. The night of Brian and Nicole's wedding party was the night my relationship changed with my sister. I should also say that my boss, David and Brian's mother, was not a nice person. All I'm going to say is - sociopath. Those who know her can attest to it.

So that night, my sister was glued to Dave's family. As usual. I was having a good time with some of my co-workers. The night went well. Until the end. As everybody was leaving, my sister was in tears. She and Dave had had a fight. She was upset. Now, I have previously stated that I am not a PDA person, but because she was upset, I put my arms around her and tried to comfort her. I rubbed her back and tried to calm her down.

And what happens? She tears herself out of my arms, tells me to get the fuck away from her and she doesn't want me near her, and runs over to Dave's mother(the sociopath) and cries on her shoulder. To this day, I don't think she realizes what she did. For me, it closed the door on that sister bond. Snipped that bond right in half.

I have not confided in my sister anything important since that night. For me, our relationship is superficial.

She really has a very low opinion of me. She treats me like crap. Some of you might think that I am exaggerating or that it's all the sister dynamic. But I ask you this. Have you ever had your sister literally tell you "don't start, shut your mouth", in front of a dozen people at a restaurant table - some of those people strangers to you? She looks down on me and doesn't hesitate to belittle me in front of others. It's only gotten worse over the years.

Since she moved out two years ago, I can count on my hands the number of times I have called her. She is usually the one to initiate a phone call. And 75% of the time, it's because she wants something. Not because she wants to talk.

My sister would do anything for Dave's family. Anything. The same can't be said for her own. She has actually ditched us for them on numerous occasions. Like a birthday, or mother's day, or Christmas. And it's not just me that she has hurt. She continually hurts our mother with her unabashed preference for the sociopath over her own mother.

So there you have it - my sister. Isn't she precious?

Friday, June 16, 2006

The end is near...

And the last 33 are here! Finally, it's done!

68. I can hold a grudge for a very long time. The longer I go without speaking to that person, the worse my grudge is against him/her.
69. I suck at math. Once we hit algebra, that was it, I never got above a 55. With one exception. In grade 10, I had to take math 100 - basically a repeat of grade 9 math. Mr. Harding was such an AWESOME teacher, I got 90's. I then arranged to have him for math 102 the next semester and I got 90's again! He retired the end of that school year and I was back to 50's again.
70. I love Hair Rock. You know - Telsa, Def Leppard, Poison, Alias, Warrant, Firehouse, Whitesnake. Those kinds of bands.
71. I got my degree after ten years. I had every course I needed to get my Bachelor within the 4 years EXCEPT my first year, second term chemistry, which I couldn't pass. I tried every year and failed. Why? Because it was math related. I tried a fifth time and failed. So I quit university. I went back four years later and was allowed to take a second year organic chem class and passed with flying colours.
72. The only person in my family that I hug and tell them I love them is my Grammy.
73. I'm really not a big PDA person.
74. I've had several odd jobs over the years - house cleaner, cashier/pharmacy tech, sales in clothing, patient attendant, mystery shopper, and babysitter.
75. I have very few happy father-daughter memories.
76. I think I have ADD. But my doctor sucks, so I am too afraid to approach her about it.
77. My favorite Sesame Street character is Cookie Monster. My favorite muppet is a toss-up between Beaker and the two old hecklers.
78. I wanted to be a pediatric oncologist, until second year university, when I was discouraged from going to med school. By a doctor.
79. I LOVE the Little People toys. I buy them more for me than any of the kids.
80. My favorite alcoholic drink is Dave Matthews. But Blue Lagoon isn't far behind.
81. I've wanted to have a baby since I was 14 years old.
82. I may have an older half-brother out there somewhere, but I will never know, because none of my father's army buddies will tell me the truth about that time in his life. This is a topic for another blog.
83. When I was 8 or 9, I threw a cat into a lake. It wasn't a malacious act. It was the biologist in me - I wanted to see if cats could swim. I found out they can. And they can run VERY fast.
84. Right after Anita found out she was pregnant for the first time, I found out I couldn't have children naturally. I was very angry, resentful, and jealous towards her. When she lost the baby, I felt very guilty for a very long time.
85. I hate hot weather. 25-26 degrees is good - great swimming weather. Anything higher is too hot and I end up with a headache.
86. When I was a kid and we visited the family in NH (dad's side), my cousin Steve and I were inseparable. Today, we don't like each other much. He's hardcore republican/Bush-lover. I'm liberal, and think George Bush is greedy, arrogant, ignorant, and a bit Howdy Doody-ish.
87. I have been on diets since I was 10 years old.
88. I love scrapbooking styles like Becky Higgins, Stacey Julian, and Tracey White.
89. I really don't like scrapbooking styles like Ali Edwards. In fact, I can honestly say that I have not seen one layout of hers yet that I have liked and would consider scraplifting.
90. I am hard to get to know. I hold back a lot. Even with those I am closest to.
91. It's takes me a couple of months to know whether I can be good friends with someone.
92. I have a strong stomach. How else would I have been able to get all my university zoology lab work done while eating my lunch or supper in the lab, over an animal carcass? I know, you're thinking "gross!". Just a way of life for me and the rest of the biology geeks, at the time.
93. My fave cereal is Captain Crunch.
94. I LOVE going to the movies. Nothing beats the big screen and surround sound.
95. The first movies I ever went to see in the theatre were E.T., Superman, The Goonies(and I got to go without my parents!), and Gremlins.
96. I'm afraid that I will grow old and bitter and ALONE.
97. I resent my friend's willingness to ditch me for one of her cousins and aunt. I don't think she realizes how hurtful she really is towards me. She has shown me that she is willing to believe the worse of me and the best of them. They can do absolutely no wrong.
98. I was never one of the "popular kids" in school. In fact, I never wanted to be one of them. I also never resented them for their popularity, with the exception of B.G. And it wasn't because of her popularity, but rather her attitude. She was one of "those" girls. Like the ones in the movie 'Never Been Kissed'.
99. My favorite actress is Sandra Bullock.
100. I can be mean, thoughtless, self-absorbed, bitchy, judgemental, and arrogant. But to my friends I am unswervingly loyal, honest, and supportive.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

And on and on it goes...

And the next 33 are:

35. My biggest fear is snakes. Doesn't matter how big or small.
36. I love to swim, but I'm afraid of what's in the water. That's why I never open my eyes underwater.
37. I love to cook and experiment with new recipes and techniques.
38. My sister and I are friends, but not best friends. It's a long story - perhaps for a blog. Suffice it to say, I have not put myself out there for her to hurt me like that again.
39. I have relatives in NB, Nfld, ON, AB, BC, NH, MA, and NV.
40. I talk to Anita everyday, either on the phone or on MSN.
41. I have apparently tried to kill my sister on numerous occasions. I once convinced her to stick a safety pin in an electrical socket. Once, when we were in the shallow end of a crowded pool, I pushed my sister into the deep end and watched her sink like a stone. She didn't float at all! Once, I threw a square coaster at my sister (when we were teens), she ducked instinctively, and it lodged in the closet door. I'm sure my mother could come up with more.
42. I LOVE bread. All types. I'm a carb addict!
43. I have asked a guy out before. It's not an experience I would ever repeat.
44. I HATE liver, squid, beets, fiddleheads, radishes, and rhubarb.
45. My sister thinks I'm stupid, ignorant, and an embarrassment. If you think I'm joking, think again.
46. I have never been in an airplane.
47. I'm addicted to caffeine. But I don't drink coffee. I get my caffeine through coke or pepsi - which I drink even at breakfast.
48. I played soccer and basketball for my elementary school teams. I was encouraged NOT to try out for those teams when I went to Jr High. By my father.
49. I still live at home with my mommy!
50. In Jr High, there was an exchange program with a school on Baffin Island. Anita and Sarah got to take part. My father wouldn't let me because there would be boys involved. Seriously.
51. I am considering barix surgery.
52. I don't always follow the latest scrapbooking trends. Only if I like it.
53. I have never been to Disney. And I REALLY want to go!
54. I have been to Canada's Wonderland. It was fun, but crowded. We went on five rides in eight hours.
55. I am addicted to my computer. I spend at least 5 hours a day on the damn thing.
56. My fave authors are Karen Marie Moning, Linda Howard, Norah Roberts, and....
57. My aunt - Norah Wilson, the author of Lauren's Eyes - in bookstores everywhere!
58. Dimitri's is one of my favorite restaurants.
59. I fell for a friend. And got hurt pretty bad when it became a big joke.
60. I can't look at George Clooney and see what everyone else sees. He's almost the spitting image of my father.
61. I have NEVER been hung over - no matter how much I drink. It's those great alcoholic genes.
62. I like watching old Star Trek: The Next Generation re-runs.
63. I have recurring dreams about being pregnant, feeling the baby kick. And I wake up rubbing my stomach and crying every time.
64. I like to exercise, but I hate getting motivated to do it.
65. My three best friends in grades 5 and 6 were Jeremy Crawford, Derek Neil, and Sandy Phillips - all guys.
66. I REALLY want to live in Ireland. If I can't live there, I want to vacation there for an extended period.
67. My favorite flowers are lilies.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I'm Taking The Challenge!

Nic posted her 100 Things About Me and challenged all of us to try it. So, here it is:

100 Things About Me - You May Or May Not Know:

1. I like cherry yogurt and granola mixed together...in fact, I am eating a bowl of it right now.
2. I used to be a tomboy.
3. My biggest high school crush was Chris Green - the hunky Australian exchange student.
4. I am named after two aunts: Janette - my dad's sister who committed suicide at 15 and Sharon - my mum's sister who is an opinionated know-it-all. Hmmmm.....sounds very familiar!
5. I'm unable to have children. At least, not without the aid of fertility drugs.
6. My fave colour is blue.
7. My spelling and grammar are British English, not US English.
8. I can speak, write, and read French and a little Spanish.
9. I have one PITAS. That's short for Pain In The Ass Sister.
10. My dad died 5 days before my 14th birthday, exactly 2 months after my grandfather.
11. My best friends in Jr High were Anita P., Sarah K., and Tanya L.
12. My best friends now are Anita P. and Sarah K.
13. Anita P. and I didn't speak for almost two years.
14. I hate Debbie Gibson - I associate her with the time right after my dad died.
15. I lived in Dover, NH one summer, with my grandparents.
16. I stole the complete set of Strawberry Shortcake and Friends figurines when I was 8 or 9, on vacation, from a girl who had a tent FULL of toys. Why? Because I really wanted them.
17. I felt horribly guilty for stealing said figurines for ages....even after I threw them in the garbage. Apparently I thought I would feel better if I threw them out.
18. I didn't own my first vehicle until last May - my used Nissan Pathfinder.
19. The first scrapbook I ever made was a Christmas gift for my sister. She cried when she opened it.
20. I've had two root canals. They were $650 each. I would suggest pulling teeth if they are not visible.
21. Keanu Reeves is one of my favorite actors.
22. I will NEVER get involved with two types of men: Newfoundlanders and Military.
23. My father was born and raised in Newfoundland and was in the military.
24. I rarely ever lie. When I do, it's to spare someones feelings.
25. I prefer cats over dogs. They are less needy. And they purr.
25. I got my first tattoo at the age of 30.
26. My very first crush was Kirk Cameron.
27. My fave chocolate bar is Butterfinger.
28. While my fave colour is blue, my bedroom is painted green.
29. My fave fruits are strawberries and watermelon.
30. I can't stand that toothpick, Paris Hilton. But I have to admit, she didn't do a bad job in House of Wax.
31. I used to hide when my dad was drunk and/or mad.
32. I collect cat figurines. One of my most cherished ones belonged to my Poppy.
33. I can't stand half of my family. Why? Because they are either drunks, overbearing, insulting, or insensitive.
34. One of my fave bands is Nine Inch Nails.

And that's it for the first intallment. Tomorrow will be the next 33...

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Eerie

What can I say about today?

Oh! I know! It's a shitty, shitty day!

I didn't sleep well all night and even now I am struggling to remember what my dreams were about. Wish I knew, because....well, that will come later.

Anyway, bad nights sleep, coupled with an alarm clock that DID NOT GO OFF! doesn't make for a real great start. How did I get woken up? Oh, by my dogs. Barking. At Jen and Lauren, at the front door. Yes folks, I had to answer the door in my pyjamas! I just thank God that it wasn't Jon dropping Lauren off. That would have been much worse. So I guess that's one good thing. And Jen was VERY understanding.

So, that's fine. My back is never the greatest when I first get up, which is why I like to get up early and move around, stretch a bit. So, there I am racing around the house like a chicken with it's head cut off, trying to get everything together so we can go downstairs and Lauren can play. And Lauren's cranking. And I know right away, it's not going to be a good day for her. I finally had a shower and got dressed when Lauren went down for her nap, two hours later!

The afternoon wasn't so bad. A few little hiccups. Like no sun hat for Lauren. Which meant lots of sun block on the head and as much shade as possible when we walked to the park. Or lots of cranking when we got back. Why? Because she couldn't decide if she wanted up or down and I didn't feed her snack to her fast enough.

Then, I get an e-mail from my sister telling me to contact her immediately. So, I call her long distance, in California!, to reassure her that everyone is fine. It seems that she had some bad dreams last night. And that is why I wish I could remember what my dreams were about. When people on my dad's side of the family start having 'dreams', it's not a good sign. Something is going to happen. When my dad died, I knew the minute I woke up. When my grandfather died, my cousin Erin had a dream, knew and called home. When my grandmother died, I had a dream. And when the phone rang that day, I knew.

So, that being said, I know something is going to happen. And it's not going to be good. And it's going to happen soon. And it's going to be someone very close to me and my sister.

Monday, June 12, 2006

My Grammy


My Grammy is my last surviving grandparent. My Grampy (her husband) died when I was thirteen, only a couple of months before my Dad.

My grandmother is in her eighties now...my younger cousins just see an old woman who nags them about dressing warmly, getting their hair cut, or having tattoos and body peircings. But I remember how she used to be. My Grammy was a FUN grandmother. When I was a kid, she was only in her fifties. She rocked!

My grandparents lived on a farm out in North Tay. My grandfather went to work for the Dept of Transpo, so the farm became defunct. But they kept all the land, which meant there were all kinds of places to play! Like the old shed, where we used to play "house" and "restaurant". Or the rock piles - you never knew when you might find a snake or hairy spider! Or the old fields, where my Grammy would take my sister and I to go sledding in the winter. And my grandmother didn't just watch. No, she participated! She was right there with us sliding down those hills. She would walk to the country store with us - all the way out in Tay Creek. She would entertain us whenever my Grampy would take us to the countless number of ball games played around Stanley in the summer. We went walking in the woods near the brook, where she would teach us about plants and the different signs of animals in the area. She would listen to CIHI and CFNB, not that stodgy old country crap. And when I got older, she would take me to the church picnic to help the church ladies with the cleaning and dish washing.

Now my Grammy is getting older, weaker, and more frail. In fact, she is now on the list for a hip replacement. She's tired more often - she naps sitting up, so you could be talking to her, thinking she was listening, but she's sleeping away! She's cold, even on warm days. She doesn't cook much anymore - mainly because my aunts won't let her.

And all this worries me, because I know soon things are going to change. And she won't be my last living grandparent.

I've started asking her questions whenever I see her. I either write the answer down or record it on my digital camera. I like having video of her. I like knowing that when she is gone, I will still be able to hear and see her whenever I want to.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Rain, Rain Go Away! .... Please?

Probably not! The forecast says sunny with cloudy periods for the next three days. But here's the kicker - 40% chance of showers every day! Then, a return to rain on Thursday! I just want it to end!

And because of this rain, it's become the season for wet, muddy paws. And with the addition of Jack, my house has never been in worse condition. While it normally is very 'lived in', it's usually never dirty. Now, I cannot claim this. Every trip out to the backyard brings more mud into my house, onto my unfinished hardwood floors. It's driving me nuts.

And if that isn't bad enough, mud is getting on my furniture. Yup. Whenever I turn my back, the little bastards are climbing up on my furniture. But it's not just their paws that are making my furniture dirty, it's their bodies. Why? you ask. Well, it could be because Sunny and Jack play in the mud. And pin each other in it. Then climb on my frickin' furniture when they get in the house. So now, all furniture surfaces are covered with towels.

When will this rain ever end? I need some dry days to clean up. It's a losing battle! I've just cleaned the floors and I won't let the dogs in, because I know the minute I do, the floor will be mud covered again. But I know if I don't let them in soon, Dave may just have an issue with the backyard barking! Why? Because Jack won't stop! Sunny and Lukey have learned to stop after a couple of barks, but Jack keeps on going like the Energizer bunny!

Ahhhhh.....blessed peace!

No! No, here they go again! Damn poop-producing, hair-shedding, eat-me-out-of-house-and-home, endless-barking mutts.

Arrrggghhhh!!!! Calgon, take me away!