My little buddy

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Joke I HAD To Share!

Daddy Calling home....


"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

***Brief pause***

"Uh, okay then, .this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause**

***Even Longer Pause**

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?... Is this 486-5731?"

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Blogger's Block

I've had a bit of blogger's block recently. I just couldn't come up with a topic that I really wanted to write about. Then, today, I had a topic I really wanted to write about. But I couldn't because it would inevitably offend someone or, for some reason, hurt their feelings.

But dammit! This is MY blog. I should be able to write what I want. This is Canada and one of the joys of being a citizen of this great nation is that I CAN write what I want without censorship. Also, I write the truth, or rather, MY impression of occurences in MY LIFE. I do not write lies or fiction. I know I can be harsh in my assessment of events and people. But, so far, I have been quite tame. I CAN BE BITCHIER!

What is wrong with people that they take offence to a comment, whether it's neutral or negative, but still the truth? We can't expect positive feedback all the time, all our lives. Life is not like that. People are not like that. We are ALL fallible, not matter how badly we or someone else wants us to believe. NOBODY is perfect. Specially me! I have never claimed to be anything other than what I am. I KNOW that I am severely flawed. I KNOW that not everybody likes me. For a long time, that thought would have seriously bothered me. Not anymore. I have accepted the fact that there are going to be people out there that don't like me no matter what I do or say. I have accepted the fact that there are going to be people who don't like what I do. So now, today, I accept the fact that there are always going to be people who won't like what I say.

I have a friend who declared today "Kiss My Arse Day". Bravo! She is bold woman! And a fun girl! And I whole-heartedly concur!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Grain of Salt

Ok, if you've read some of my previous posts or you know me, you know that I can be a tad acerbic and sarcastic. You might even say harsh. I ask that you take whatever I print with a grain of salt. It's all in good, sometimes not so clean, fun. Enjoy the comments I make - specially those that you wouldn't feel comfortable saying yourself, but really feel!

Sunday, May 28, 2006

The Incomparable Tom Hanks

Pssst! I went to see The DaVinci Code Saturday night. And it wasn't as great as I'd hoped it would be.

Ok, ok. So maybe I had great expectations for this movie, But who wouldn't? Tom Hanks and Ron Howard? It's like Batman and Robin! Unfortunately, in this case, it's more like the Dynamic Duo went kersplaat!

And it's not like Tom Hanks sucked. Because, of course, he never could. He was great. He did a great job with what he had to work with. In fact, all the actors were great. They just had a really bad script. The changes they made were unneccessary. They pandered to those who opposed the novel. But back to Tom Hanks. I actually really liked his hair in the movie. It was sexxxyy! A bit long, straight with a hint of wave, slicked back. It was so different from his normal curly, borderline-afro hair. I saw an interview he did and the interviewer asked about the hair. Tom's reply was that it was the hair he's always wanted and he was keeping it. If a comment like that seems odd, I must ask - have you ever seen the early '80's sitcom Bosom Buddies? It was Tom Hanks big break. Of course, it only lasted two strike-shortened seasons. They show repeats on TBS early Saturday moenings. You should check it out - some great opportunities to see Tom Hanks with an afro - literally!

Of course, the first time I ever saw Tom Hanks in a movie, I was probably ten years old, and it was Splash. Do you rememnerber that movie? It was a romantic comedy about a Manhattanite and a mermaid. Of course, many comedic gems followed, like Big and Turner & Hooch and, everybody's favorite, Forrest Gump. But for me, Tom Hanks became a real star, a genuine actor when he took the role of Andrew Beckett, a gay lawyer dying from AIDS in the movie Philadelphia. I remember seeing this movie in the theatre and I don't think I stopped crying for a minute after the opening credits. After years of comedies, Hanks took on a role that could have meant death to his career. Instead he turned the movie into a Blockbuster and won an Oscar!

Of course, his computer generated alter ego Woody, from Toy Story 1 & 2, is every child's favorite. I mean, who wouldn't love a walking, talking, astronaut-butt-kicking cowboy? I know I do! Ahhh Woody! With his cold, plastic-molded hair and his pull-string voicebox - a girl's dream toy, I mean boy, I mean toy! Dammit, this is coming out all wrong. You know what I mean!

You have to admire Tom Hanks. He's willing to take on some seriously odd movies - Joe vs. The Volcano, for example. Of course, other than Forrest Gump, he will probably be remembered for his work with Meg Ryan. Not only did they star in Joe Vs. The Volcano, but Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail - two classic Nora Ephron romantic comedies. Even though, Tom Hanks isn't your typical romantic leading man - that is, he isn't gorgeous and a man-whore (like, say, Colin Farrell or Brad Pitt) - he has that solid, ultimate good guy, dependable-to-the-core thing going for him. That makes him ten times sexier than the above-mentioned man-whores. In fact, Sleepless in Seattle cemented Tom Hanks as the unlikely romantic lead, as well as making the classic An Affair To Remember popular again.

As an aside, if you haven't seen An Affair To Remember, you really, really, really MUST see it. I beg you to go rent this movie. It's the dashing Cary Grant at his best. You won't regret, I promise!

And with that, my ode to Tom Hanks is at an end. Hope you weren't too bored!