My little buddy

Friday, May 26, 2006

A Dog's Life



I have three dogs. Is that news to anyone? Should be, since I'm supposed to have two dogs, not three!

I am now a kennel... at least for the foreseeable future. Anita, Fred, and the kids have moved to British Columbia...SOB-SOB-SOB....One of my oldest friends (we've been friends for twenty years now) and her/my kids were whisked away by that big meany, Fred(just kidding Fred, ya know I luv ya!). Until they get into their new place and have all their belongings delivered, I am puppy-sitting their dog, Jack, whom I nicknamed Jackers. When they are ready for him, I will be sending Jackers to BC via Air Canada Cargo. Until then, he is a member of the clan.

Taking care of him has been interesting...back to the puppy days - which I was sure I had left behind when Sunny was grown. Not only is he exuberant and full of energy, he has the bladder of a gnat. It's constant, this going outside thing...I feel like putting a catheter in him and strapping the bag to his collar! And that's not the worst of it! I worked Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights from midnight to eight in the morning. I was so proud of Jack for making it through the night without any accidents. Then two days ago I went downstairs, lightless I might add, and what should I find? But three piles o'crap! On my nice new floor that was just replaced! No smell, no stain. He's a very lucky puppy. So today, Rainbow Carpet Cleaners is here cleaning my carpet so it will all be ready for Lauren on Tuesday!

Having Jack here has been great for Sunny, excercise-wise. The two of them run around the yard, chasing each other, with Lukey clucking at them from the deck like a mother hen. Eventually Lukey gives up on them and comes back in the house while the dogs continue to run a circular 50K. Of course, Jackers probably gets a bit more excercise than Sunny because of his ears. They are a tad large. Oh, who am I kinding? They're gargantuan! They're satellites! The wind resistance on those things must be equal to that of a small SUV! But he's still the cutest thing!

Of course, the most memorable thing about Jack being here will be the horniness. Yes, I said horniness. He still has the twig, but he doesn't have the berries, so I don't know what he plans to do everytime he tries to mount poor Sunny. But mount her he tries! Her solution? To lay down and protect her bottom. Of course, this provides Jack with the perfect opportunity to try out a different move- straddling her head! Little perv is trying to get my innocent, untouched Sunny to give him a bj! Apparently that's universal to males of all species!

Anyway, having Jackers here has been an experience. The only thing I regret about the whole thing is that when he goes home it will be 3000 km away.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Pilates Pretzel

A little background before I get into the Pilates episode of Wednesday...

So, as some may know, I injured my back quite a while ago, then re-injured it days before A Scrapper's Dream. Much to my chagrin, my back was in such bad spasm that I had to be carted off to the hospital by ambulance. Add to the humiliation of the back-induced ambulance ride with the three hot EMT's - I had to tell them my weight. Why? So they wouldn't hurt their backs getting me to the third ring of hell, also know as the DECH Emergency Room.

Anyway, the ER doc told me that I had to start a Yoga or Pilates program to strengthen my back muscles. Since I am poorer than the proverbial church mouse, I bought a DVD and tried it for the first time Wednesday morning.

So, I decided to watch the DVD, just to see what kind of moves I would have to do and make sure I had all the 'neccessary equipment'. I immediately had a dilemna...yoga mat...I don't have one. The only area to workout in front of the boob tube is on my hardwood floor and I definitely need a mat. Fine, I decide to keep watching and deal with that little snafu later. The title: Breakthrough Hard Core Conditioning. Hmmmm....alright I can do this...I think. The DVD keeps playing - the instructors seem encouraging. The warmups seem easy. Yeah, I can definitely do this.

Alrighty then, it's time to get cracking. Unfortunately, this was almost literal. So, I still have the mat problem. What am I going to use? Cripes! So, I dig out my foam mat that I use camping. You have to imagine this thing. It's not a tiny flimsy piece of foam! It's more like a twin size mattress! But I'm still good! I can do this!

I start playing the DVD again. Warmups going well. I CAN do this. Alrighty - doing a 'crunch' style move, but now I have to incorporate arm swings - not a problem. I'm pumped and it's only the first move. Ok, next move, looks so simple. Hah! Laying on my back, or shoulders to be precise, with my hips and back lifted off the foam mat. The instructor is babbling about closing my ribcage. Ok, I can do this. Then, the fateful words, 'we're going to add on to this a little bit'. Now I have to incorporate alternating leg kicks. NO,NO, I can DO this! I move that first leg out and immediately whimper like a baby! Charlie-horse! Back of my thigh! OHHH MOMMY! Keep trying, keep trying. I manage a couple without bringing on more muscle-tearing pain.

Next- a roll-up - what am I? A piece of fruit leather? I can barely get my shoulders off the mat and Barbie has moved on to 'if you want to make this more challenging'. Jesus! I haven't even completed the full move! Next few moves are not so bad - a crunched up fetal position, then a weird bicycle movement, then adding torso twists. Really, I can do this. That other excercise was just a fluke. Really. No aerobics on this DVD, but HOLY CRAP, I'm breathing hard!
Now the back bends. Not so bad - really, I've always wanted to try to fold myself up into a pretzel - backwards. Now she's talking about clicking my heels three times. Who am I? The good witch Glynda? Oh well, it's not that difficult. Keep going. Ahhhhhh, the side bends. Can you scream "Ouch!" But I actually manage to get my legs off the mat - hey, that 1" counted!

Now we've moved on to leg lowering and she's talking about a paint brush between your feet and painting the ceiling - alright Michelangelo - next move! Lifting my ass and legs off the mat by bracing my hands and heels on the mat...hmmmm - not a problem! I can do this! Goddammit! That charlie-horse is back! No, no, keep going...can't...quit...now...I'm halfway through! Ok, more leg work - on my back, legs in the air (and it's not even for a fun reason!) - listening to "imagine a beach ball between your legs (huh?) - rotate it around(really?) - just get the choreography - you might want to incorporate some breathing..."....breathing...good idea! The only problem is that I can't breath, keep my abs tightened, my navel pressed to my spine, rotate my legs, and keep my shoulders off the floor ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!!

Needless to say, my workout didn't last much longer... a few more moves that weren't that hard, then came 'the plank'. I quit after that one...it's pretty much a push up... I couldn't do a sit up, let alone a push up! I only had twelve minutes more to go and I gave up... I guess I can't do this! Yet. Oh well better luck Friday morning! Maybe I will actually make it through the whole workout!

The Plunge

I cannot believe that I have started a blog. I've become one of the sheep. Baa!